just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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