i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
