The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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