why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
