And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
