never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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