Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
