we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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