i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
