It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
