My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
