I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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