my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
