Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
