I'll bet she douches with gravy.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
