why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
