On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
