After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
