So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
