no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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