the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
