He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Your penis caused this!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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