Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
