I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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