she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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