Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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