do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
