He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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