i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
there was a trapeze. enough said
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
