She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
