I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
