He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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