It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
