apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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