Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dicks are not precious.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
