Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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