I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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