She's JV to your varsity
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
