I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
