hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
