winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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