she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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