someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
