just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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