my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
