im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
