He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Actions speak louder than pants.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
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You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize