dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
