God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
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How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
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no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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