So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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