Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
