She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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