I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
