yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
