I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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