I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
