when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
