it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
