I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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