I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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