I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
