Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
