I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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