Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
