His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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