I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
