hotel room ftw
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
