Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
