I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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