When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
