Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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